I Wonder If I Can File Sexual Harassment Charges Against My Garbage Can?

When Mr. Bernie and I  registered for our wedding, we signed up for a new garbage can. Our old can was old, white and not very special. We wanted one of those shiny new metal looking garbage cans. The Mr.’s Auntie and Uncle surprised us with a metal garbage can that was automatic! How cool is that? No more fighting to get the can open. No more spilling over the sides. No more cats digging in the garbage can for things they could bat across the floor. It was amazing. I must admit, I did the happy dance when we opened it.

Fast forward a couple of weeks after having it out of the box. Now I’m wondering if my garbage “likes” me more than it should. We have it at the end of our island, and anytime we walk by it, the garbage can opens. That means if I’m getting some creamer out of the fridge, I suddenly feel something touching my behind. The lid raises anytime it senses motion. The first time it happened, I screamed. Mr. Bernie came running thinking I might have burned myself. (Bless his heart, he thought I might have been actually cooking something.) He demanded to know what was wrong. I told him that “the garbage can goosed me”.  Mr. Bernie just started at me like I had three heads and asked me to repeat what I said. So I told him that, “the garbage can goosed me”  The Mr. just laughed and walked away shaking his head. I was not sure if he was shaking his head because of the garbage can or because I was not actually cooking. It could go either way.

I had a discussion with Mr. Bernie about my new friend, the garbage can. I asked him if the garbage can has been inappropriate with him as well. I don’t think he knew what to say. He reminded me that he was 6’2″ and not quite as low to the ground as me. That the garbage can might brush his thighs, but he is too tall for it to touch him in a bad way. He might have muttered something about me being crazy and that the garbage can doesn’t like me in any particular way. If he did I think I blocked it out.

This morning, while getting my creamers for my coffee, it happened again. Instead of screaming, I just looked down and said, “Hello, old friend.” I think I shall name him Stan. That is a nice name for a metal garbage can. For those of you thinking, “Why doesn’t she just move the garbage can somewhere else?” I think it’s because sometimes I get more action from Stan than the Mr. So its a win win for all. I don’t think that the police would do anything, anyway.

Finding the Funny

~Bernie

Comments

  1. Oh, the garbage can really likes you! My husband and I completely disagree on ideal garbage cans. He’s opposed to lids because they hinder his ability to put trash inside. That extra step of opening the lid is exhausting. So he likes to remove the interior and move it closer to him while he cooks. But he forgets to put it back, resulting in my throwing trash into the shell of the can…basically right onto the floor.

    We never fight about this or anything…

  2. HA! My husband was just saying he wants to get rid of the can we have in the kitchen and replace it with one like yours. I’m starting to think it’s a pretty good idea…

  3. I think it’s completely okay to carry on a mutual pleasing relationship with your garbage can. Totally normal. 100%. Just don’t ask about me and my dryer.

    Came by through Finding the Funny! Good stuff!

    Cheers!

    Ninja Mom

  4. Hilarious!

  5. I need a Stan in my life!
    This is hilarious!
    Kerry at HouseTalkN

  6. Cute blog! Naughty garbage can, very funny!

  7. That is hilarious! I've always wondered why no garbage cans we drag home seem to be working properly. We always end up having to something on top of them to keep them closed:) Whenever we have relatives visiting from overseas, they always laugh, because every time they come to visit we have a new garbage can….and a new item on top of it. Apparently they do not have a garbage can problem in Europe:)

    I stumbled your post!

    JR
    Frugality Is Free.

  8. Too funny.

  9. tooo funny!!!*lol for the day

  10. This post cracked me up, I read it right after an article on the TSA pat downs and it made me think that the next time I come visit I can get goosed at the airport AND at your house. lmao!! Jen will be too tall, like Mr. B so she is safe. Looks like Tammi knows what she wants for Christmas.

    • Who knows? Maybe Stan was a TSA agent in a past life. Food for thought. Sure, I'll let Stan goose you. It will be something for you to write home about, that's for sure!
      I kind of worry about Tammi already having it named. *lol*

  11. I want a garbage can that gooses me. I am jealous, but I would name mine Fred.

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