I Shouldn't Be Allowed In Public Unsupervised

I shouldn’t be allowed out in public. For the most part I go to work and home. Once in a while I go to the bank. On rare occasions I might go out to a store. Perhaps if I got out more often, I wouldn’t make such a fool of myself when I do go out.

Yesterday, I was looking so stylish. It was warm enough to not have to wear my winter coat. I was running around in a jacket I stole from my dad. Its very redneck looking,  A gray sweatshirt hoodie with a flannel shirt over the top. I was looking pretty manly. I didn’t have any make up on and my hair pulled back. It was a very handsome look. Not the look I was going for, but it worked for the day. Keep this in mind while you ready about the rest of the day.

After work I stopped by the local smoke shop. I was out of cigarettes. A cute younger guy came in with me at the same time. The clerk hears the bell announcing she has customers and comes out looking grumpy. Perhaps she was eating, working on a Master’s thesis or solving all the worlds problems. Whatever she was doing, she let us know she was not happy to have to stop and deal with us. She just stormed in and glared at us. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I just wanted to hug her and thank her for taking the time to actually have to work for a second.

She glared at the guy behind me and said, “I need to see your id!” The man showed it to her and she just nodded her head. No thank you. Nothing. She then turned on me, “I need to see your id!” I just laughed at her and said, “Really?” I’m 40 and didn’t think I would need to be carded. I have not been carded in forever.  In a snotty tone, she replied, “Ya, really.”  I showed it to her and was just tickled she asked. Even looking very butch, she thought I was young. Yea, me!

The following is why I should not be allowed in public unsupervised. Without even thinking, I swear this just popped out of my mouth. “You want to card me? How cool is that? Can I hump your leg?” I about swallowed  my tongue! I couldn’t believe I said that. I think I was just so happy that she carded me, I wanted to let her know how happy.

She looked at me, stepped back and shouted, “No!” As if I was really going to come around the counter and do that. The least she could have done was chuckle. That’s what I would have done. She then told me that she had to card everyone who looked under 40. She went on to say that she is 35 and got carded all the time. I soooooo wanted to say, “Carded for the senior discount?” I thought she was older than me.  Perhaps it was her bitchy attitude that made me think she was older.I was glad to get out of there.

I put a capital K in the word Klassy.

 

~Bernie

Comments

  1. You are seriously funny . . . I can't stop laughing!! "Can I hump your leg?" . . . I am imagining the look on Ms. Personality's face!!! Too funny . . .

    Thanks for following my blog . . . I am following you as well.

    Have an awesome day . . . Gina
    http://labelladiva.blogspot.com http://ginasitaliankitchen.blogspot.com
    . . . and many more blogs!

  2. What I would do to have been a fly on the wall at that establishment! Funny post!

  3. I came over to check on your post with the linky but I don't see it!
    You must have changed your mind!

    Hope you have a great weekend!!
    Java

  4. ROFLMAO!!!

    Priceless!!

  5. I was picturing an old 75+ wrinkled lady behind the smoke shop counter when I was reading this one. She probably looks it. Give her a big hug the next time you go in to get your cigarettes!

  6. I bitch if I don't get carded. I accuse them of calling me old.

  7. Absolutely hilarious! You made me spit my drink. I had to read more. I'm all signed up now and waiting to read more.

    Have a great weekend,
    Candace

  8. You are to funny. LOL

  9. thank you for stopping by my blog and for the comment

    Hugs n love
    Gina

  10. “You want to card me? How cool is that? Can I hump your leg?” I seriously laughed out loud. Awesome

  11. You sound hot.

  12. I can not believe you said that! That is hysterical.

  13. Out in public rockin’ the Kathy Bates look, you go girl! I remember you said that to the UPS guy too and he turned red and ran away, maybe you should try a new phrase. ;)

    • Perhaps, I should. I doubt I will, but its a thought. As far as the UPS Guy, he turns red when I say, hello. So that was just a bonus when I said it to him. *lol*

  14. No, can I hump YOUR leg!!! That line is why you may very well be my new best friend! Then there would be two of us lacking the brain-to-mouth filter!

  15. To be even more effective….next time don't ask. They do say actions speak louder than words. :)

  16. HAHAHAHAHHA! OMG, we should be like BFFs. I have a blog post called "I need constant supervision". Perhaps we could be supervision for each other, or would that be more dangerous?

    Any who, this post gives me hope for if I leave the house today. With my red nose (from blowing it so much) and my winter hat all I need is a flannel to dress similarly to how you described above. Maybe I'll stop by the liquor store and buy something just to test if I would get carded. Then when I do – ask to hump the guys leg. LOL

    Hilarious post!

    • *howling* I will have to go dig that post out later tonight. I think that we would be dangerous if we both went out. Perhaps even get locked up?
      Ohhhhh, I dare ya! Let me know if you do. *lol*

  17. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. Your blog is hilarious. I love it.

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