You’re Not the Boss of Me!

Mr. Bernie is big on presents being opened on present day. Be it your birthday or Christmas, He does not believe in something being opened early. Heck, not even fondled or guessed at. What fun is that? If a box arrives or me or for us, he scampers off and hides it in his “secret treasure hiding spot.” Blah! Its one of his less endearing qualities.

On the other hand, my Mom, is big on opening something early. It’s one of her most endearing qualities. It drives her sister, my Auntie Jack, nuts. It also doesn’t impress Mr. Bernie at all.  Mom and I make sure when we send a Christmas gifts or Birthday gifts to each other, there is one present that can be opened when the box arrives. It’s a good system, it works for us. Mr. Bernie has a really hard time with that.

Normally, Mr. Bernie doesn’t check the mail. I always do it. My birthday is next week, so Mr. Bernie has been blocking my view of the mailbox. He rushes to the mailbox, almost knocking me over, to get to the mail. When he sees something that is for me, he again scampers off and squirrels it away. His Mom’s box to me arrived, away it went. I think its a game with him. He knows it drives me nuts. He has a fun for him system.

A package arrived in the mail this week. I was practically knocking him down to get to it. He is 6’2″ and I’m 5’4″, so he can hold something over my head and watch me jump. (I’m mature like that. Blame it on my Mom.  I do.) Then he took the item out of the package, cut off the label and handed me the empty envelope! He cut off a part of the invoice and showed me that. It said, “Do not open until your Birthday, Bernadette.” Then he toddled off all smug.

My Mom and Dad’s box arrived yesterday. My Mom told me I could open one gift. Okey, works for me.  I got the box open and touched one thing and then Mr. Bernie slammed the box shut! I started yelling that I didn’t get to see what was in the box. I didn’t get to fondle or pick what I wanted to open.  He just smiled and said, “That is the one you took out of the box. That is the one you can open. You shouldn’t be opening anything anyway!”  How did he know that was the one I wanted to open? I didn’t get to fondle or see anything. What fun is that? So of course, being the mature adult, I called my Mom, whining. “Mom, Mr. Bernie is being a big old meanie. He wouldn’t let me fondle anything. The first thing I touched he said was what I got to open. I don’t even know what is in the box. He is mean. Make him give me back the box.” Mom is just laughing her head off. I opened the package with pretty cupcake paper and it was miracle cleaning cloths.  I love those things. They give your mirror a streak free shine. I told Mom, “Oh, thank you! Its miracle cloths! I love them.” She started to laugh even harder and said, “That is not much of a present to open. I just threw those in just because. I wrapped them so you would have something else to unwrap. That doesn’t count. You get to open something else.” Do you see why I love my mom? I can feel Auntie Jack cringing through the computer when she reads this.

I told Mr. Bernie, “My Mom said I can open something else.” He just stared at me. I said, “Give me my box! I get to pick something else out.” He said, “I want to talk to your Dad about this.” What?? Are you kidding me?  I said to him, “Your not the boss of me!”  I handed the phone to Mr. Bernie and it was my Mom. He said, “I want to see what Bud thinks about this.” My Dad was yelling in the background that I didn’t need to open anything else. My Mom told Mr. Bernie to ignore him. She said, “Bern can open one more thing.” He sighed and started digging through the box. Then he told me, “Away with you. I will pick what you get to open next.” He was talking to my Mom, making sure I opened one of the little things. They figured out which I could open next. I was dancing as if I was doing the pee pee dance.

A package was picked and he held it over his head.  (One day I’m going to kick him in the shin or something. That height advantage really gets on my nerves) Before he would hand it to me he said, “Who is the Boss of you Bernadette?” Smirking and laughing. I told him, “My Mom!” Which of course made my mom laugh even harder. He tried again, I just ignored him. He kept it up a couple of times and I finally said, “You know what? I can wait until my birthday. I’m not saying that.” My Mom is rolling on the floor by this point in time. Mr. Bernie said, “Boy, she is stubborn!” My Mom replied, “She can be when she wants.”  (I get that from my Mom’s side of the family) I told him to put the box away. I wouldn’t say it. I still got to open the present. It was a cute Miche bag cover.  My mom was practically crying by the time this was all done. Then Mr. Bernie grabbed the box and scampered off, I still don’t know where it is.

Thankfully, there is only a few days left of him being, “Overlord of the Mail and Presents”






  1. Whahahahahaha
    Congrats on your sits day – sorry I’m late, been ill.

  2. Congrats on your SITS day. I loved this post…I am also an early present opener and the Hubs is Mister-Wait-Til-It’s-The-Day which actually is kinda a killjoy. I’m sure what he has in store for you though is totally worth it. Have a great day!

  3. too funny!!!

    We have always lived very close to our parents (the kids grandparents)- we now live across the country (Ohio- California)- I let my kids open birthday presents the day the come in the mail- part of my making up for them not gutting to see grandparents anymore.

    Christmas presents wait until Christmas Day though.

    I usually open gifts the day I get them in the mail. I figure if they are mailed early, the sender MUST intend for me to open them early and extend the joyous occasion.

  4. At least he has a system

  5. Fantastic post. I love your writing style and sense of humor. We open 1 present on Christmas Eve. I buy presents for myself to open on my birthday. I’ve tried to tempt my boyfriend to open a birthday gift early and he wasn’t having it. LOL

  6. Oh the stinker! My dad used to be that way…It was very frustrating…

  7. This is too funny! My dad is the same way with birthdays, no presents could be opened until after dinner was over and the table was cleared! It was torture…And now my boyfriend won’t open presents before the holiday. I kept trying to give him Christmas presents early and he got really upset with me about it, he just wouldn’t take them! Its good to know someone else has the same problems!

    • Until after dinner AND the table was cleared? That is just evil. Wow! I would say that would be torture. My husband won’t take them early either. Drives me nuts.

  8. I’m going to have to check back on this blog to see what happens on Valentine’s Day . . . there is bound to be some opening adventure. Does Mr. B have a designated “time” for the exchange of Valentines?

  9. LOL….
    I love your mom!

    BTW…..Happy Belated Birthday!

  10. Very cute-HAPPY SITS DAY!

  11. Bernie, this has just made my day! I have been sick for the past week and have had little to laughing over. (Plus I couldn't breath and laugh and stay alive all at the same time) So, I am killing myself laughing now! Your gift of writing and laughter is great!!!! Thank You!!!!

  12. Hilarious!! Good job – you don't need to say that to him! And, Happy Birthday!

  13. You two have TOO much fun! I'm lmao

  14. mybookofstories says:

    You have such a funny blog! I am having a ball here. Visiting and following from Friendly Friday! i can't wait to read more. I hope you'll find a moment to visit and follow my blog. Donna

  15. This, dear birthday girl, is a super, fantastic roll-on-the-floor-in-laughter kind of story. The whole comparing Mr. Bernie to a scampering squirrel and then you saying he drives you "nuts" was pure writing genius. Love it!

  16. Poor Bernie. And him using his height advantage, too! It's all so unfair. At Christmas, Jeremy does the same thing. He squirrels away he boxes and packages. Little does he know, I know where they are…who's the boss now?!

  17. This is one of the reasons I LOVE ROY!! So happy I have a helper in surprises admit it Bern
    what if your Birthday came and there were no surprises.

  18. I am so glad mine got through the overlords scrutiny! Especially since you knew what it was already. ;) Happy Birthday!!!

  19. HAHAHA!!!! Why do the men always stick together on decisions like this?! Love this story, Bernie :)

  20. Oh Bernie—I did not know it was your birthday coming up!!! And the torture that Mr. Bernie puts you through is simply wrong wrong wrong!!!! But I guess you knew how he was when you married him, right??? Sigh. Hang in there—-maybe if you act like it doesn't matter it will lose the fun for him. Just maybe!!! Laughing as I always do at your posts–thanks for sharing!

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