I Want Wings…..Fairy Wings

I want a pair of wings.  Not wings in a maxi pad, but wings to wear.  I blame this desire on the food network. Mr. Bernie and I were watching a “Chopped” marathon and its one commercial that gave me the desire for wings.  The commercial is for Cutee oranges and a little girl is eating an orange while wearing wings.  Those wings that little girls wear with the netting wrapped around wire.  Every time that would come on, I would tell Mr. Bernie, “I want a pair of fairy wings!” The first time I said it he glanced at me like I said something weird. By the fourth time it came on he said it before I could, “Yes, Bernadette you want wings.”

Later that night I was talking to my friend, Michele, and told her I wanted fairy wings.  All I heard was the sound of crickets. Then she replied, “Why do you want fairy wings?” I told her, “So when my unicorn farts glitter I can rub it all over me!” Why did I want wings indeed? I told her that they would be cool What 42-year-old fat chubby woman, doesn’t want wings? Then I got to talking about the logistics of wings and wands and how this would work.

If I had fairy wings I would need a light up star wand and a sparkly glitter crown. That is a given, everyone knows that. The netting skirt could be an option, but I might be able to rock the look in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. When people came into the shop I could lope flutter over to them with my wand lit and held high in the air. When they asked to pick up their stamp, I could touch it with my wand before I handed it to them.  I could bring some pretty glitter from home and throw sprinkle it on the customer. Telling them to have a wonderful day and wishing them sugarplum kisses.

I’m not sure how well they would hold up sitting on the couch watching t.v. I’m pretty sure my cats would attack me like they have never attacked anything. I would have to walk through the doors sideways so my wings wouldn’t get caught in the doorways. It might be hard to wear them using the bathroom, the hitting the back of the toilet.  It is winter, so they would be hard to wear with a heavy coat. What is the proper way to store wings when not in use? Hang them up? Lay them down? There are so many factors when it comes to fairy wings. Obviously, I have given this quite a bit of thought.

Mr. Bernie promised that if I’m a good girl I can get a pair for Halloween. Wheeeee!!

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~Bernie

Comments

  1. …you make me want wings, too.

  2. Is there a woman (girl) alive who does not want fairy wings, a magic wand and a unicorn that farts glitter? It doesn’t matter if we are two or ninety two, fat, skinny or in between, sane or insane – we all do. Hope you get yours soon.

  3. I think you might need a few pairs…work, tv viewing, and of course dress-up! I don’t have a unicorn at all. let alone a glitter farting one! Boo!

    • Oh, Andrea you are brilliant! I was just limiting myself to the one pair. Good idea about multiples.
      When I find a course for a unicorn like that, I’ll forward you the info. They are rare indeed. *lol*

  4. Wings are fun, I wish they were actually functional though. Blah!

  5. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am giggling reading your post….all I have in my head is the scene from Scrooge with Bill Murray and the fairy of Christmas present who whacks him in the face with the toaster…best.scene.ever. I am rootin’ for you to get some fairy wings asap!!!! And maybe a toaster lol
    Enjoy the weekend!!

  6. They’re actually quite easy to make! :)
    But beware going through doors, as you can unintentionally clothesline yourself.

    • Of course they are Ms. Crafty. I’ll get right on that. *lol* You are much more talented in that respect than I am.

  7. You know the handsome men in the white coats tend to come and net the fairys and take them to live in the fairy community with the pretty padded walls right?

    • I believe you mentioned them last night. But you said they would catch me with nets because that is how fairies are caught.

  8. I have fairy wings. I wore them for Halloween a few times. They were pretty but made it very hard to sit anywhere but the floor, and I had to walk through doorways sideways. After the last time I wore them I noticed the netting is starting to pull off the wiring. So the next time I wear them it may have to be as a coked-out Courtney Love…

    p.s. You should definitely wear them at work :)

  9. I can imagine wings are quite inconvenient!! Pretty though, but in the way most of the time!

  10. You crack me up, friend! HA! I loved this. Especially the part about you wearing the wings at the store. And I have to join the ranks of overgrown ladies who want fairy wings. I mean, I could accomplish so much with fairy wings. But if I have fairy wings, I want a unicorn that farts glitter, too…cuz, really, what’s one without the other?

    • We all want a unicorn who farts glitter. That is a sad fact of life. Its the sparkly light up wand that would make the outfit. Its a dual purpose, to gently touch something and make it magical or to hit someone in the head when they laugh at you.

  11. Oh Bernie…I had wings for a day and it was uncomfortable. I could not fit through the door, they itched a little bit and and it was a lot harder to handle than I thought it would be. Granted mine were angel wings….not fairy wings…..am sending you a picture via email…..But I hope you get your wish. I think it would be a stunning look on you! Hugs and fairy dust!!!

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