I’m Classy With a Capital K!

I flew to Tampa a couple of weeks ago to start my wonderful vacation. I got to snuggle in the front row of the plane with a nice medical student. We were crammed together too tightly – another inch closer and it would have been cheating on Mr. Bernie. Of course, the guy wanted to chat the whole time. I just wanted to put on Mr. Bernie’s noise canceling headphones and read. It didn’t turn out that way. Thankfully, the guy was sweet and was semi-interesting. When I landed three hours later, I had the hotel shuttle pick me up so I could meet my Mom and her cousin Mary to get our party started.

The next morning we were all giddy. We went down to breakfast like a bunch of school girls heading out to a boy band concert. I had a hard time focusing as this was going to be my first cruise. The hotel had a lovely breakfast buffet. There was lots of fresh fruit. I really didn’t care about the fruit, but it sounds nice to have noticed. I passed that up because there were tons of choices for breakfast. “Why not start gorging early?”, was my first instinct. Our waitress found some flavor to add to my coffee and I was in hog heaven. I must have been over excited, because when I took a sip of my coffee I swallowed wrong. I seemed to have forgotten the correct order: Sip; Swallow; then Breath. Most people just cough to clear their throat. Not me! I spewed coffee all over my fresh shirt, my plate, and half of the table! I was mortified. I quickly looked to Mom and Mary to see their reaction to the huge mess I had just made. They took it in stride and asked if I was okay. What kind of question was that? My shirt was sopping wet. My plate was full of coffee. The table-cloth was stained. Ya, I was fine as a frogs hair. I worried what Mary must have thought about going on a cruise with someone who can’t even eat breakfast without spitting it all over the place. I powered through the spewing spell, sopped up my mess, and got a new plate. I looked all Klassy with the coffee all over the front of my shirt. I know you all wished you could have been me, but nope – I get the dubious honor of being me.

We went outside after breakfast and Mary noticed that I had lost an earring along the way. “Well! This day just keeps getting better and better.”, I thought. My earrings were a work of art. They had a knife, fork, and spoon that dangled from the finding. Ironic? I figured I would be eating most of the day, so why not accessorize properly? We rushed back to the dining room but did not find them there. We then went out to the balcony near our room and found it laying on the ground – just waiting for me. Mom and Mary agreed my that luck was going to change. Yeah! It changed. I found another blouse so that I would look like a winning contestant at a wet T-shirt Contest. I zipped up my suitcase and realized I needed something else out of my suitcase. I grabbed the cute little unzipper thing and it didn’t work! Not for love or money would that little sucker budge. What the hell? I tried everything and the zipper wouldn’t move. That put me into a panic. How would I get my clothes when I was on the cruise? Lunch was only a few hours away and who knows what kind of mess that was going to entail. We had a ship to get to so I would have to deal with the suitcase later. Of course, I could obsess about it the whole morning, but nothing could be done.

It was time to take the shuttle to the airport where we would meet the Cruise people. As I got onto the shuttle, I was wondering if my day could get any worse. Lord knows I was off to a great start!

To be continued….


The Blog Entourage




  1. The only good thing about showing up late is that I don’t have to wait long for the follow up post!

  2. No, hippo shirts are not classy. But they can be kinda cute as PJs or if you are lounging around at home.

  3. Wednesday… Wednesday… where are you??

  4. Gah! I’m all atwitter and anxious just reading part one! D:

  5. Patricia Doemland says:

    Maybe I should travel more often and maybe with you, Bernie! You have more fun than most people even!!!!! xo, p

  6. Oh Bernie, you are klassy AND special! Trust me, we can spot our own :D

  7. Oh Bernie… I can’t wait to hear the rest of this… Sounds like things that would happen to me…. You are very nice to chat it up on the plane.. I hate that! When I flew home from CA last year for work, I was all into watching a movie. the lady next to me started chatting and I felt bad not to. So, I ended up spending the next 5 hours listening to her entire life story. My ears were literally bleeding… and then when we landed, she got up, grabbed her bag and left. Didn’t even utter a goodbye. Sorry, but it pissed me off…

    • We were so close I just didn’t know how I could turn away. Oh, the whole life story, you lucky girl. I think that not even saying good-bye was rude.

  8. Agh! Cliffhanger! I cannot wait to see how this all turns out in the next installment! =)

  9. I can’t wait to see how you got the zipper thing to open, and to hear all your adventures on the high seas!!

  10. Fingers crossed for you that things pick up :0)

  11. Cousin Anna says:

    Hilarious, Bernie! Cannot wait for the next installment(s)!

  12. Such comedy, such suspense. I cannot wait for Chapter Two. Is this a comedy? A romance (ie. the med student on the plane)? A mystery? Look forward to reading more. And I agree with Beth Ann. Don’t make us wait too long.

  13. You are going to get a lot of traffic with that wet tshirt tag. Just be prepared! I am ready for part 2–don’t leave me hanging too long!!! :-)

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