Math and Cupcakes Are NOT a Good Combination

Photo courtesy of Harper and Madison Bakery

My regular readers know that math is not my strong suit.  My old posts, 3 Cups of Snarkyiness and Too Cubed illustrate how bad my grasp of numbers is. I felt it important to get this out of the way in order for you to understand how I could be so easily fooled. My darling husband sometimes delights in my arithmetically challenged condition.

I’m a Facebook fan of a local bakery called, Harper and Madison.   I blame this all on my friend, Tana. She is always “checking in” at Harper and Madison. If Tana likes them, then they must be good. The bad things about being their fan are the pictures they post. I’ve been close to licking my computer screen several times because of some gorgeous looking cupcakes they have posted. Sometimes I salivate like Pavlov’s dog at the sight their creations. I had never been to Harper and Madison and really wanted to go.

A couple weeks ago they posted a picture of a cupcake with a huge hunk of CHOCOLATE covered candied bacon sticking out of the top. Did you hear me? Chocolate covered bacon!!! What more could a fat girl want? The description said: The Dirty Pig – Chocolate Cupcake filled with Chocolate Mousse, Chipotle Buttercream Icing and topped with Chocolate Dipped Candied Bacon. Helllloooooooo! Can you see anything thing wrong with that? Nope, me either. I’ll eat a  Dirty Pig. I’m not too proud. I sent my friend, Sheri, an email. “You NEED to go to Harper and Madison and pick us up some of their cupcakes today. Go! Hurry!!” She sent me a note back that she couldn’t do that as she had things to do during her lunch hour. Sheri agreed that the cupcakes did look yummy. Well big deal that they look yummy, I want to taste the yummy! I got it in my head that I was going to have one of those little bundles of joy. I was obsessed and driving Mr. Bernie nuts. I may have whined a little. That sometimes works. I wanted him to go get them for me right now. I might have even made some promises to get one. Mr Bernie said that we had too much work to get done to leave for a treat.

On a whim, I called the bakery to see if they would hold three of them for me. A really nice gentleman answered with an upbeat voice. I liked him instantly. I whined and rambled to him, “I was on your Facebook page and today’s cupcakes look amazing! I asked my friend to go pick them up for me but she can’t. I work until 4pm. I really wanna try your cupcakes! Is there anyway you could perhaps hold three of them until about 4:15pm?” His reply made me want to cry tears of happiness, “Sure, I can do that for you! Not a problem. We are happy to do that anytime. Just give us a call if you need us to hold some for you.” Wow! He didn’t know me from Adam. I could be some freak who calls bakeries and have them hold stuff and not pick up. What a guy! He explained to me that these cupcakes were a bit heavier than their other recipe for bacon cupcakes. I told him that was ok because we were all heavy people. It worked out good that way. I asked how much the cupcakes were and he told me $3.50 each.  I didn’t think that was too bad.

I told Mr. Bernie that they agreed to hold the cupcakes for us. I was doing a little dance around the shop, all giddy. Mr. Practical said, “How much are they?” I told him that they were $3.50 each and I had 3 waiting for us. Without missing a beat he said, “Oh, $12.00′s. That is kind of spendy for cupcakes, but they should be good.” I didn’t even think about it. He said they would be $12.00′s, so I had it in my head that my total would be $12.00′s. He did the math for me, I never re-do math if people are kind enough to help me out like that.

Finally, it was time to pick up our little bundles of yummy goodness. I was practically dancing into the shop. It’s a cute place with counters and tables  Nice and open and airy. It had a “homey” type feel. I made a mental note we would have to come back and enjoy this place when we had more time.  I rushed to the counter, like someone was giving out $100 bills. I spewed out, “You have cupcakes on hold for us! I’m here a little early to pick them up. I’m so excited!!” The cashier must be used to fat women coming up to his counter and drooling and babbling because he didn’t miss a beat and got them. Turns out they had been sold out that day and it was a good thing I had called. I heard angels singing when they brought out three towering chocolate mountains. I’m not sure if that is background music they have or if it was just me. While he was ringing us up, Mr. Bernie was being annoying. He said, “So are these going to be ok in the car at temperatures of 80 degrees?” What? Who cares???!!  All I could think was, “Don’t annoy them Mr. Bernie! We don’t want them hate us. Be quiet.” The other cashier told me that my total was $10.50. I thought that was weird. Mr. Bernie said $12.00′s. Maybe they thought I was funny and gave me a discount. I felt as if I should tell them that was not the quoted price. I didn’t want them to lose money by ringing it up the wrong price. Something told me to keep my mouth shut. So, I did.

We went to the car and I was skipping. As we sat down I told Mr. Bernie, “They must have liked me or something because they didn’t charge me $12.00′s for these. How cool is that???” His eyes started twinkling and he just nodded and let me talk. “They only charged me $10.50 for my cupcakes and you said they would be $12.00′s. I almost said something but didn’t.” That made him laugh out loud. “Bernadette, they charged you the right amount.”  What??? Why on earth would he lie to me? Then he started saying something about them having to be $4 each to get 3 of them for $12. I wasn’t interested in his explanation. I told him, “You did the math for me. Once you or Jenny tell me how much something costs, I don’t have to figure it out for myself. That is just mean. Boy I’m glad I didn’t say anything.” By now Mr. Bernie is almost crying because he was laughing so hard. “Oh, Bernadette, that would have amused me to no end if you told them they undercharged  you.” This is what I live with! All you people who think Mr. Bernie is so darn sweet, see how sweet he is?

It was time to drop off a cupcake for Sheri and then head for home.  Mr. Bernie and I let our cupcakes get to room temperature and plated them.  I took a huge bit of my hunk of chocolate covered bacon and moaned a bit.  I’m glad nobody was outside their window or they might wonder what was going on in our house. Then I used a fork for the cupcake, tasting the frosting. It was smooth and had a bit of warmth from the chipolte,  The cupcake was more savory than sweet and it too was a joygasm for the mouth. (I’m not a food blogger, so I can’t do these cupcakes justice) I know we will be going back to try them again.

I was thrilled to finally try Harper and Madison! Here is a link to their website. If you are in the Billings area and want to try a bit of heaven on earth, swing on by. Their address is: 3115 10th Ave. N.  Add them as a friend on Facebook, but I warn you, I can’t be responsible if you lick your computer screen!

~Bernie

Comments

  1. Hi, how hysterical! Loved this post. It’s dangerous to watch cake and food shows on TV and to friend bakeries on facebook, but you make me want to do just that. This post could be a good skit.

  2. Okay, I was a little scared as I was reading this that Mr. B had hit his head on something, I knew that was $10.50 right away too but figured maybe he was just adding sales tax or something. Maybe he was including the price of the gas to get there and back? Was sooooo relieved to see he was pulling your leg, now I can stop worrying.

  3. Auntie Jack says:

    oh boy I guessed right away about the price being 10.50 guess thats
    what happens being raised by depression parents. bought milk the other
    day should have been 2.49 charged 3.49 went back got my dollar save a
    dollar thar is how one affords frivoulous things *lol*. Love Ya Auntie Jack

    • See, you are good at math. I however, suck at math. Hope you got your dollar back from someone who was not icky about it.

  4. Love this whole thing…..thecupcakes sound delicious and love the description of your exchanges with Roy!

  5. I’m pretty good at math, but I didn’t stop to tally the cost either! I figured Mr. Bernie just rounded up and guessed at twelve dollars. Close enough, especially for three delicious cupcakes.

  6. The picture did me in…..I would have made promises I couldn’t keep for those, trust me!!! I have tried just the chocolate covered bacon (at the Minnesota State Fair, no less, my friend!) and it was incredible so I can not even begin to imagine how this delightful confection tasted……..Thank you for the journey to cupcakeville today—and who cares about the math—-it was meant to be!!!

  7. Oh, my gosh, I too am laughing because I don’t do math well either and if someone else computes the answer, why would I question it? Those cupcakes sound delicious. I’ve heard of an ice cream shop in a nearby town that serves some type of ice cream treat with bacon and maple syrup in it. The shop was closed when we drove through this town on Sunday. Darn.

    • See, why would you? Oh, that sounds kind of yummy. You will have to let me know how it was if the place is open next time you go.

  8. Can they ship them to AK? Those look heavenly. To die for. Divine. And I’m not even a huge cupcake fan. But bacon? Salty bacon dipped in chocolate? Wow…

    (You said something about math in this post, too. I’m good at math. But I wasn’t paying any attention to what you said about math after I saw that photo and heard ‘chocolate’ and ‘bacon’.) :-)

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