It’s All Fun Until Auntie Jack Finds Out

Mr. Bernie wearing his new shirt for Christmas

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! Mr. Bernie and I celebrated with a quiet day at home. We open presents on Christmas Eve. My Mom has good taste and usually ends up buying some great shirts for Mr. Bernie. Note the word usually. The Mr. was opening his gifts and all was as normal. Gold Toe socks, check. Jeans, check. Then he opened a shirt box, looked at it in an odd way and let out a belly laugh like I have not heard in a long time. I couldn't see the shirt and couldn't fathom what she would send that would make him laugh so hard. He finally showed it to me and I was shocked and appalled!  It was a brown t-shirt with the universal symbol for the men's room, with a twist. The man has his hands up in the air as if to say, Yippee!  It has writing on it and says, "I Pooped Today!" What the hell?? Surely she did not mean to send this to MY husband. My husband who loves his t-shirt that looks like a tuxedo shirt and wears it for special occasions. She did not mean to send that to … [Read more...]

~Bernie

A Christmas Miracle

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We finally have a diagnosis for our puppy, Patch.  For those of you who don't know about Patch. He was from the very first litter of puppies we fostered. He started getting shaking after only a two or three weeks. We knew that he would be hard to place, so we kept him. He has two sisters who also are wobbly.For most of his life we thought that he had Shaking Puppy Syndrome. He looks like someone with Parkinson's Disease. He is unsteady on his feet, his head is constantly bobbing, which can make eating and drinking a challenge. He gets "floppy" when he gets excited. When he runs, he runs on his tiptoes. Let me tell you that is NOT poetry in motion.  Patch is very unsteady and wobbly on his feet, yet he will run, run, run and then his back legs will go out. All he can do is lay on his side and move his front paw up and down. With Shaking Puppy, puppies will outgrow it between 6 months to a year. Patch is almost 7 months, so we watched him for any signs of changes. Praying every night … [Read more...]

~Bernie

My First White Elephant

All dolled up and ready to party

My friend, Sheri, invited me to a Christmas Party/White Elephant gift exchange at B.A.R.K. Its a shelter that Rez Dog Rescue works with. They take in puppies and dogs to their shelter to adopt out. They are great in helping out when we have too many puppies. They get them fixed and shots and so on. Let me tell you B.A.R.K. is SPOTLESS! You could eat off the floor in there. The director and volunteers are all amazing folks. I've seen many of the names on Facebook postings but had yet to meet many of them. The party would also have a white elephant gift exchange. I had no idea what that is. You take something tacky or funny and wrap it up and put it under the tree. The first person picks and opens a present. The next person in line can either steal that present or open a new one. Each present can be stolen by other people 3x's. Keep that in mind, its an important part of the story. I put on my finest Christmas headband. I put some glitter eyeliner on as well. Just to be festive. I … [Read more...]

~Bernie

My Not So Jolly Holiday Season

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  My blog is supposed to be a humor blog. My goal is to make people laugh. To be honest, I haven't found much to laugh about lately. It all started a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, I realized I have not been home for a Thanksgiving since I have moved to Montana. I think its 10 or 11 years. That hit me like a speeding train and took my breath away. I think I cried at LEAST once a day before Thanksgiving. Having my own pity party. Sadly, Mr. Bernie had to attend the pity party as well. He was a good guest, saying the right things.  It can't be pleasant to have your wife burst into tears each morning before work. At Thanksgiving with Mr. Bernie's family, I was not the most perky gal in the world. Before we left, I explained why to his sister, that I'm having the most awful bout of homesickness ever. I even teared up talking to her a bit. We have been struggling with what to do with  our 6 month old puppy, Patch. His shaking puppy syndrome is NOT getting any better. … [Read more...]

~Bernie

Happy Birthday, Mr. Bernie!!

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Today is Mr. Bernie's birthday! Everyday I'm thankful to have him in my life. I know that sounds sappy and cheesy, but there you go.  He has the patience of a Saint!  Which is a good thing when you have to live with me. He is good about making sure we are stocked up on chocolate at certain times of the month.  He is a wonderful cook. We would seriously starve if we depended on my cooking! He is ok with having foster Momma's and puppies at the house.  When we get a new Momma he gives her a "spa day" and brushes her out. He is so good with our own animals. They all love him.  Not many men would be comfortable carrying their 45 pound puppy to the car because he can't walk.  He is currently upgrading my computer so it goes faster and I can store more images! He did that out of the blue and without being asked.  That is the kind of guy he is. Since today is his birthday, that means last night I should have been in tears. My infamous angel food cake disasters are known far and wide. Last … [Read more...]

~Bernie

Watch Out For the Hands Under the Bed

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  Last night I got to thinking about the way the Mr. and I sleep.  I'm 5'4" and Mr. Bernie is 6'2". As the shorter of the two, I sleep with my head practically into the headboard.  Mr. Bernie likes to sleep with his head about 5" away from the headboard. He likes his feet to hang over the edge of the bed. I asked the Mr. why he sleeps so far down on the bed. His reply, "That way the hands can't grab me and pull me up through the headboard." That is just a dumb thought. Everyone knows that it's the hands at the foot of the bed that pull you under. Who has ever heard of the hands pulling you that way? Not me. When I was little I used to see hands under my bed. I had a very high antique bed with lots of room under it. They were black gloved hands, led by King Friday and Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers. Getting into my bed was a feat unto itself. I had to run and hop up before the hands  would get me. When I got a bed that was lower to the ground, I felt a little better about … [Read more...]

~Bernie