Wordless Wednesday

Albany-Life-1983

Hey Gang, its a new Wordless Wednesday Vintage Ad!! I have seen quite a few weird and bizarre ads but this one really gave me pause. How many men read it and thought?.... "How did they know? I was going to off Helen tonight. I guess I should buy life insurance." Some of the selling points to not killing your wife: "After many hours of work could you face hours of housework?" "Could you be an executive by day and a chambermaid by night?" "Could you afford 2,ooo pounds a year for a cook?" … [Read more...]

~Bernie

Dogs, Flowers and Ghosts. Oh, My!

My lovely flowers from my "Coffee Girls"

I survived my first day of my new job. I'm mentally exhausted but it's a good exhausted. I feel as if I have A LOT to take in. Today was kind of like the first day of school. You meet a few kids, you get a tour of the building and then someone shows  you stuff you will be learning later. I'm thinking its the calm before the storm. This is really long but for those of you who have been asking how the day went, this is a quicker way for me to relate that to everyone. There was a lot of prep that went into getting to work on my first day. A couple new outfits, notebook, pens and so on. See just like the first day of school. My friend, Jessica, is a make up Goddess Her make up always looks flawless and effortless. She had me stop by her house Sunday nice to pick up, "just a little care package of goodies." She knew that after not wearing make up all the time that I was a little challenged in that department. Well not only did she give me some amazing stuff but a diagram of how to put it … [Read more...]

~Bernie

Big Girl Math

A bad picture of my teacher, Stacee and my math book.

It is no secret that math is not my strong suit. Look here and here if you are not aware of this fact. People tell me that I have other talents and intelligence in other areas.  The most amusing thing about my math challenge is the fact that Mr. Bernie would score in the upper 99th percentile in math. He sometimes talks about things like Hessian Matrices; Kuhn-Tucker Necessary and Sufficient Conditions; and Analysis of Variance - Whatever those are. It does mean that he comes in handy when its time to figure out a tip when we go out to eat or the amount off during a sale. Score!! My friend Stacee is a second grade teacher. One night she called me and asked what my two favorite colors were. I thought it was an odd question but replied, "pink and green." She thanked me and then hung up. I thought that was a weird and random question but knew that I would figure out the reason for the question some day. That weekend we were at Tractor Supply pimping puppies. Stacee got all excited … [Read more...]

~Bernie

How Are People Finding Me – Part 3

ID-10097392

Welcome to Part 3 of  "How Are People Finding Me"  Every once in a while I dig around in my stats to find out what search terms people are using to find me. The results intrigue me and sometimes scare me a bit as well.  Sometimes I can figure out what post would have popped up on their search, other times I really have no clue how they landed in my little corner of the internet. Let's get started shall we? My first result is the post popular search term for the past week.  "What to do with my empty cigarette packs" Most people just throw them away. However, I'm going to guess that this was the post they found: Purse Porn, a post showing my purse made of cigarette wrappers. That was easy! I hope they are all this easy to figure out. Let's move on to the past 3o days, shall we? This one made me wonder who on earth is actual looking for this and knows the proper term for it. Not 1 but 3 people used this term: "testrone radium energizer"  (spelling was the search term, not mine) I'm … [Read more...]

~Bernie

Mr. Bernie The Matchmaker

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/

One of my new friend's is an adorable second grade teacher named Stacee. She is witty and funny and cute as a bugs ear. She is also single. Mr. Bernie thinks he needs to fix that. He will go on and on about all her great points and then say, "We need to find her a guy to go out with." I assumed that was talk until he tried to set Stacee up with a married man! Stacee was going to stop by the shop to pick up some stuff for Rez Dog Rescue a couple of weeks ago. She fosters puppies and I had a bunch of newspaper to give her.  Anyway, when I mentioned to Mr. Bernie that she was going to stop by he brought up again how she needs to date someone. A few minutes later a very attractive man came in to order a stamp. Mr. Bernie got to talking with the guy about his stamp and then a light-bulb must have gone off. To my shock he said, "I have this friend. She is funny, cute, and single. Would you be interested in meeting her?"  I about dropped my damned teeth I was so shocked! The guy turned … [Read more...]

~Bernie

It’s All Fun Until Auntie Jack Finds Out

Mr. Bernie wearing his new shirt for Christmas

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! Mr. Bernie and I celebrated with a quiet day at home. We open presents on Christmas Eve. My Mom has good taste and usually ends up buying some great shirts for Mr. Bernie. Note the word usually. The Mr. was opening his gifts and all was as normal. Gold Toe socks, check. Jeans, check. Then he opened a shirt box, looked at it in an odd way and let out a belly laugh like I have not heard in a long time. I couldn't see the shirt and couldn't fathom what she would send that would make him laugh so hard. He finally showed it to me and I was shocked and appalled!  It was a brown t-shirt with the universal symbol for the men's room, with a twist. The man has his hands up in the air as if to say, Yippee!  It has writing on it and says, "I Pooped Today!" What the hell?? Surely she did not mean to send this to MY husband. My husband who loves his t-shirt that looks like a tuxedo shirt and wears it for special occasions. She did not mean to send that to … [Read more...]

~Bernie