Christmas Procrastination 101

Yesterday, the Mr and I finally were bitten by the Christmas spirit.  That means we looked at the calendar and screamed, “Holy Crap! Any presents going out-of-town have to ship on Monday! How did this happen?” It’s almost as if we both popped out of being in a coma for months and are trying to make up for lost time.  It happens once a year. It just happened a lot later this year.

After work, we went out to lunch to plan our strategy. I might drink a few times a year, if that. I was seriously debating on getting a tequila shot to steady my nerves before shopping among the masses. We discussed our list and which stores we wanted to hit. We were in agreement that we would avoid the mall like the plague. I’m not a big mall fan during the year. The thought of going a week before Christmas gives me facial tics. I think I feel one coming on now just writing about it.

We bundled ourselves into the car. Both silent and somber as we drove to the first store. An outsider looking at us would think that we were on our way to a funeral. We separated once we got to the store.  Mr. Bernie going to one section and me going to another. We agreed to meet up in the middle to plan our escape. We were both empty-handed when we finally met up.  There is safety in numbers. We did much better shopping together than alone. We went over to the Women’s clothing section to see if anything jumped out at us. We passed the lingerie section. Mr Bernie’s head did a 180 degree turn at the “pretties.” I had to rein him back in to focus on the task at hand. Reminding him that we don’t even know my Mom’s bra size.  Mr. Bernie kept his pouting to a minim while I ransacked the clothing racks. I asked his opinion on shirts and he kept asking, “Who are we shopping for, again?”   Mr. B. would whistle a Christmas song in such a high pitch that I’m sure any man in the store was rendered sterile. I’m sure he did this to amuse himself however, it was annoying as heck!

We pretty much explored the whole store, except one section. We walked over there to be complete. We were met with one of the things we dread when shopping. It seemed that someone thought it would be a swell idea to bring their three-year old into the toy section. She was screaming at the top of her lungs that she wanted a certain toy. She wanted it NOW. She also wanted to let everyone in the tri state area know that she wanted it now. Mr. Bernie and I looked at her; then looked at each other; and decided that we were done shopping at this store for the day.

Checking out was a real treat. When I got into line, I was the only person. More people entered the line as I was checking out. I know that Christmas is about joy and love and warmth. I can love my fellow humans without them snuggling up to me in the check-out line. Don’t people know what personal space is? This family was huddled together as if huddled around a campfire on a frigid night. Apparently, I was the campfire. I was so tempted to educate these people on boundaries and personal space. I feared if I did the police would be called. We wanted to get out of there and on to the next store without police assistance. I kept my mouth shut. I wish the same could have been said for the three-year old, who was still screaming in the back of the store.

Image found at Bukisa



  1. Hi,
    Thanks for visiting my blog. I am definitely returning to yours. It's timely, snappy and a delight. Your writing is a grabber. Wishing you and your family Christmas peace.
    Wanna buy a duck

  2. Just be glad you could leave the store. Imagine having to work there and experience that scenario several times a day…holiday shopping or not. If glares could turn people to stone there would be many, many Easter Island statues in my store.

  3. I avoide the mall most of the time and always around Christmas. Although it could well have been my son crying, but he is more of a pouter. (Wow I just had to look that word up. Being a Cajun girl, I didn’t know if that was really the right word I wanted to use. LOL!)

    He spend most of our trip to the local Walmart yesterday sitting in the buggy singing jingle bells and amusing all the ladies with his Christmas spirit! It must just be a man thing. He and Mr Bernie would have made a good band.

    What yummy stuff are you baking? The grocery store has a great baked goods department. Just saying. (head hung) I will be baking in a few days myself.

  4. It's when you're queuing and the person behind you leans forward to tuck in the label that's sticking out of your jumper! Strange, cold fingers brushing my neck sends me ballistic! Arrrrggghhh! Loved your post :-)

    • Thanks for stopping by! Ugggg, that is a bit too much for me too. I would rather tell someone their tag is out, instead of tucking it in for them.

  5. This post made me laugh and nod heartily in agreement! And don't even get me started on personal space and toddler issues in public…… :-)

  6. Why, WHY do people insist on bringing their little kids into a toy store, especially during this time of year? You KNOW the little rat is going to get rambunctious and want EVERYTHING on the shelves. Yet, they still bring them in and make everyone in the store miserable. How rude.

    I hear ya on the "snuggling up" on the check out? And we wonder why everyone is sick. Like that's going to make the line move faster. It's like tailgating in the fast lane.

    • *lol* Good point about everyone getting sick due to snuggling. I like to give people ample room in the check out. Unless I shove them out of line, I'm not going to get there any faster.

  7. Bernie,
    Thanks for following me and for the great comments!!
    My hubby and I also hate the screaming kid in stores! I always want to find the parent and hit them! Ok so I don't want to be escorted out by the police either so I contain myself. I think the Huggable family and the screaming kid family should get together and let the rest of us have our personal space!!
    Love your blog!!
    Julz@ and

  8. I agree with the mall avoidance that's for sure!! Sorry you had to run into the child, I really hate that too and wish parents would take children out of the store or restaurant or where ever so they could cry in the car. My friend Karen had a brilliant saying I use to this day "crying children are like good intentions and should be carried out immediately". Have a great day baking, I am betting that's tomorrows humor for us. ;)

    • Oh, that's a cool saying. I understand that kids get cranky. I'm not against them, just don't let them scream for 20 minutes. When my eyes start to bleed because a kid is yelling, that is a bit much.

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