How Are People Finding Me?

Its time for another post about how people are finding my blog.  When one has a blog, they have a whole bunch of cool stats.  One of my favorites stats to monitor/obsess on is the  “Search terms people used to find your blog.” It reassured me that the freaks and trolls on the internet are alive and well. Just when I think people can’t get any more weird, my stats prove me wrong.

Half of the fun is trying to figure out which post came up via the search. Some of them I can guess. Others, I just have no clue in hell what might have popped up for them.  I’m guessing that they were pretty disappointed with whatever it was.  Lets look at a few samples shall we? I will link up to the post I think they may have found. If you are new here, it is a great way to let the freaks on the internet suggest some of my old posts  you might want to read. I’m just pasting the terms as I see them.

“clean as you go”, I’m guessing that one was directed to Don’t C.A.G.E. Me In. It has a lovely picture of my kitchen that I trashed while cooking. Mr. Bernie about had a stroke when he woke up and saw it. What can I say? I’m not a clean cooker.

“maternity corset” There have been 12 search for this. Eleven more than I would have expected. I’m sure that my Wordless Wednesday popped up for them.

“mcdonalds valentine’s day table setting” Who even looks for that? I’m glad that I had something handy to help them out.

“how to build a redneck sleep apnea machine” WTH? Is this even possible?  Is it made of a squirrel and some hose from the moonshine still? I just don’t get it.  I love my regular Cpap machine.

“big girl on a stripper pole” Again, I’m glad to be able to help folks out. Granted I’m not the big girl on the stripper pole, but I found one.

After I posted about Dweej’s blog, House Unseen I have my share of fun hits. I mentioned that the before pictures of her kitchen looked like a meth lab. I have about 20 hits on meth lab or meth lab kitchen.

Now as a bonus, I have some terms that scared me. I don’t know what they ended up. I don’t want to know.

vintage frosted squirrel lamp
fried kat cartoon
berny rabbit bags
i want to become a meat cutter

The most disturbing one, the big winner. Any idea what they might have found?
my aunty was totally drunk and i groped her

What weird terms have people used to find your blog?

One other interesting thing. For the Love of Blogs is taking nominations for the Blog of the Month on their site. Three blogs that I read and adore have been nominated by fellow bloggers: House Unseen Chicken Noodle Gravy and My 3 Little Birds If you read any of these blogs, be sure to go nominate them. I would love to see any of these gals get Blog of the Month.  For the Love of Blogs is a great networking site for bloggers. You can add your blog to their blog  rolls and perhaps pick up more followers. They have fun blog hops and other great stuff for bloggers. Its going to be a tough month if all three of them are up for Blog of the Month. I’m sure you will be reading more about them when voting time comes up.

~Bernie

Comments

  1. OMG I was rolling on the floor laughing at this! I love seeing what people are searching that results in my blog, and sometimes it freaks me out, but it certainly doesn’t beat your list!

    • Be thankful you can't beat them. I wonder about some of those folks doing a search sometimes. *lol*

  2. I checked my search terms recently and one of them upset me so much that I considered stopping my blog, even though I love it. This was the phrase:

    girls gone wild babes of the sandbox child porn

    I have a little daughter and this made me feel nauseous. This is why I blog anonymously and why there are no pictures of my daughter on my blog. In fact I kind of want to go back through my posts and remove her and my husband's name from everything. Am I overreacting?

    • Bernie says:

      Wow! I can see where that would give you pause. I don't think I would stop blogging, but I agree with you for wanting to go back and take their names out. Give her a nickname on your blog.

  3. LOL too funny! The weirdest one I got was 'adult cloth diaper'! I wrote about cloth diapering my BABY so I have no idea how it directed to my blog. Eeek.

  4. Well, I guess I'll just have to pay attention to those search engine terms. You have to wonder…

    • Bernie says:

      I would bet you have nice and normal terms. I would be interested to find out how many times people find you via your city or Minnesota.

      • Here are a few of the search engine words readers used to find Minnesota Prairie Roots today: civil war minnesota, aztec, poppy, brick broken, fairy tales houses…

        Yup, not too exciting compared to yours.

  5. Bernie, Bernie, Bernie. You just have to make me lol, don’t you? You probably know how much I HATE writing lol, and you do it just to make me mad. Well, it’s working. I’m literally lol-ing. I don’t fake it…I hate fakers.

    I have absolutely no interesting search terms to share. WAIT! I take that back…I just found one. “Donkey Nuddle.” I have no idea what that means, but I feel ridiculously proud of my one weird search phrase.

    • I did have to make you laugh. I live for it. *lol* Ohhhhh Donkey Nuddle, what in the hell is that? I'm scared.

  6. mcdonalds valentine’s day table setting

    Well that nice little Valentine's Day event you and the mister had is peeking everyone's curiosity now. That was quite novel and original. Consider it a feather in your cap.

  7. I had someone find mine by “naked little things.” WTF? I get enough small boob jokes from people in “real” life. Enough already…

  8. I can’t decide who to vote for. I need to be told.

    • Bernie says:

      *lol* Its hard to narrow it down. I just don't want three friends up all the same month. Its like trying to pick which is your favorite purse. Can't be done.

  9. I like your stats better. I get things like

    masturbating monkeys ( I get this one A LOT)
    your snatch gave me cavities
    post your beaver
    porno miss rosi

    I cant lie it worries me just a little.. I mean they found ME with these words HA!!

  10. This is too much fun.. I never really paid attention to the search terms, but now I am going to check them out! FUN!

  11. Your blog started my day off with a laugh! Thanks for posting these strange search terms.

    • Bernie says:

      I'm glad it gave you a chuckle. I'm can only imagine the search terms people use to find you!

  12. I love looking at these! I got a “wife who dresses husband up as a woman” the other day, and have no idea how it got there! haha, too funny. Who knows what people are thinking, right!?

  13. Holy cow, I am so happy you did this!!!! YES! “vintage frosted squirrel lamp” has got to be the funniest combination of words I’ve heard in a long time. And someone WANTS one! Hahahaha!!!!!

  14. I never check my stats but maybe I should start. Sounds like it makes for a really good laugh.

    :D

  15. LMAO, drunk Auntie groper!? And it's just plain disturbing to see how many people are looking for meth lab kitchen information. Toothless people, no doubt.

  16. Wow, your search terms are way better than mine! Someone did find my3littlebirds recently by searching "Mom left my diaper in the parking lot."

    I'm imagining that if you have sleep apnea you should attempt to jerry-rig a machine yourself. Best to leave medical machinery to the professionals.

    • Mom left MY diaper in a parking lot? Was it an adult baby site they were looking for? *lol*
      I agree, I don’t think a squirrel and tubing would cut it.

  17. ROFL! I actually laughed out loud at work for this! Hahaha!

    • Bernie says:

      Oh, good I'm glad! That always makes me feel good when I can get someone to laugh out loud.

  18. Ya know, they could be finding some of your posts *how to build a fence* through the comments folks write as well. *I hear voices* Just saying, cuz if its what we write *Purple chickens* who knows what you will get in the *time machine* future. Could be something totally *mathematical improbabilities* benign or really *hot fudge lava cake* off the wall *removing wallpaper*…. Just saying *public speaking panic attacks* and happy to help *life saving techniques*.

    • Bernie says:

      *howling* Oh, my god! I never thought that people could find them through the comments too. Thank you for adding more crap for folks to find me.

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