The Tale of Two Bloggers

Once upon a time, in Planet Blogosphere, lived a brilliant blogger named Sweaty. She was behind the inspiring and thought-provoking blog, Do Sweat the Small Stuff.  Critics and blog reviews had nothing but praises for this blog.

Sweaty herself was an enigma, for no one has ever seen her.  But the cloud of mystery surrounding her identity only fueled speculations and myths around her existence.  Some said she looks like this

others said like this

but no one was truly sure.

Among Sweaty’s legion of admirers was a blogger named Bernie.  It was Bernie’s dream to have Sweaty write a guest-post for her own blog, One Mixed Bag.  Unlike others who quit without a fight, Bernie refused to give up in her quest.  She was determined to get a hold of Sweaty.

One fine day, Bernie got a call.  What sounded like a computer voice told her it was a call back from Do Sweat the Small Stuff Corporation and to please hold the line.  Bernie couldn’t believe her luck!  She finally got a call back from the legendary Sweaty!!

 

[phone static noises]

 

Sweaty:  Hullo?

Bernie:  Hello!  I’m Bernie from One Mixed Bag, and I’ve been waiting for at least 4 months now for a chance to speak to you.  I’d like to invite you to do the honor of writing a guest-post for my humble blog.

Sweaty:  Iz daat sow?

Bernie:  Yes!  Oh, I can’t believe it, I’m actually talking to THE Sweaty!

Sweaty:  Yezz, yezz, I ahm Sweaty.

Bernie:  Would you do me the honor?  Please say yes!  It would mean so much to me.  Truly, it would finally give my blog the recognition that it truly deserved!  Your name alone would be like a stamp of approval in the eyes of the citizens of Blogosphere!

Sweaty:  I zee.  Vell, tell mee zomething avout yourzelve, Bern-nee.

Bernie:  um… “I collect and display purses. Not just any purses. They have to be weird or strange… I’m always looking to give an ugly purse a home. When people buy a purse for me they base it on if they would carry it.  If they wouldn’t then they know I will love it.”*

Purse Porn

Sweaty:  You meean like zeez? (mentally sending optical illusions to Bernie’s head)

Bernie:  Wow, how’d you do that?!?  Yes, they’re my exact bags!

Sweaty:  Dzuhh, I haive my magzheek.  Sooo, vhat iz yowrr blowg avhout?

Bernie:  Initially, “my blog was only going to be humor pieces.  My friends have challenged me to write more serious things as well… to write things out of my comfort zone.  I’m slowly finding that I’m enjoying that.  Not a steady diet of serious, but appetizers now and then.  Blogging can challenge me, which is a good thing.  We all need that.”

Sweaty:  Bern-nee, tell mee, vhy doo you blowg?

Bernie:  I blog for me. I blog to do something creative. For a sense of accomplishment.  To challenge myself. To share with others. To belong to an amazing community.”

Sweaty:  Guud, guud.  You geeve guud anzherrz.

Bernie:  So are you going to guest-post for me then, Sweaty?

Sweaty:  Um, no.

Bernie:  Wh-hat?  But I thought you said I answered all your questions well.

Sweaty:  No I deed not zaid daat.  I zaid, “you geeve guud anzherrz.”

Bernie:  Is there anything I can do to change your mind??  I can teach you how to Zumba!  “[It's a] masochistic hobby that involves getting the heart rate up, convinces muscles to scream…, and makes me sweat like a whore on dollar day.“   You know, Zumba Kicked My Assa?  Hahaha, get it?

Sweaty:  Ha Ha!  But no.  No, I zhon’t gedd it.

Bernie:  Hmm…  know what?  I might have a solution that would help you deal with your midlife-crazed husband!  You can try Midol

Sweaty:  I zheenk hee iz zhe one who needz to shove Midol upp hiz arze.

Bernie:  Okay, okay, forget I said that.  What about if I lend you Gunther, my Cabana Boy?

Sweaty:  Sorree, but hee eez not my type.

Bernie:  Or… you can stuff my bra like my friend “Jenny [who] used to…stuff her whole sock drawer in my bra and laugh like a mental patient.“  How’s that?

Sweaty:  Zhempting, but no.

Bernie:  You’re tough to please, aren’t ya?!?  Okay, okay, one last try.  What about I send you “a free cutting board and a free pizza?  It’s… a cool [pizza] cutting board that opens up to store its tools.  A very neat little meat and cheese cutting board.   Along with it, I get to send a coupon for a Free [pizza] of your choice.“  Sounds good?  Do we have a deal or what?

Sweaty:  Pizzaz?  Frree??  Yezz, zhen eet iz a deelle!

Bernie:  Would Friday the 15th be good for you?

Sweaty:  Yezz, yezz, fine!  Zust maike shoerr you zend zhat pizza zoon…    RRRRRRR….

 

RRRRRRRRINGGGG….

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRINNGGGGGGG….

(sound of a TV remote crashing into an alarm clock)

 

Sh*t, I must’ve killed my alarm clock again.  I opened one crusty eye and see it’s late morning already.  That was quite a dream I had there…  Gah, there’s a wet spot under my cheek!  Must get this drooling thing under control.

I managed to get my big bed head off the pillow, got up, and ambled my way towards the computer.  Old habits die hard, after all.

I logged in to my blogger account and hit “view blog.”  Quickly I scrolled down to the section where it says GFC followers.  Same o’ same o’.  No new followers.  Next I checked my email for any new comment notifications.  None.  As in nada.

I was just about to take a leak and started my whole morning routine, when Ding!  Sounded like I just received a new email!  I quickly went back to my computer to check it out.  Hmm… from Bernie, that popular girl from One Mixed Bag!  I don’t get emails from famous people that often, so naturally, I was excited and curious.

The email said, “Hi Girls, I was wondering if you [and Artsy Nina] would be interested in guest posting for me on Thursday and Friday?”  Without thinking, I hit reply and wrote, “Sure, I’d love to!  I’ll take Friday if you don’t mind.”

Oh Bernie, Bernie, Bernie… You always managed to make me smile, I thought to myself.  Followers schmollowers… who cares about that, now that Bernie wanted me to guest-post for her?  I feel SO wanted!!

(2 minutes later)

Sh*t… what have I gotten myself into???  I sure hope Bernie knows what she’s gotten her blog into!

 

This is a guest-post written by Sweaty from Do Sweat the Small Stuff. Unlike her fictional alter-ego, she is not famous nor legendary.

Note: *Bernie’s part of the conversation that is quoted and in italics was her own words taken from various posts written by her.  The links refer to some of her popular posts.  If you haven’t read them until now, catch up on your Bernie reading by simply clicking on the links!

 

~Bernie

Comments

  1. Wonderful post! I have accepted offers to guest post, felt wonderful, then had the same, "Oh, sh*t!" thoughts. LOL This post is much better than mine ever were :D
    (BTW – "Take a leak"?!?! LMAO!)

  2. I loved this! Very funny : ) It's nice to meet you too Bernie, I will certainly visit again!

  3. I'm a little late on my blogging this week; glad i caught up! So funny!

  4. What a great guest post!! I loved reading this! And your accent was so funny!! Well done for a first one! :D

    • Thank you! A great encouragement for me indeed. Not so sure about doing another one so soon though (duh, Sweaty, it's not even as if anybody had asked!) lol

  5. Ha ha…love this…too funny!
    Cheers,
    Courtney http://www.mommyladyclub.com

  6. Wow! This was awesome! You sure did put a lot of work into your post, Sweaty Lady. So impressed :D

  7. Sweaty you made me laugh so hard I need some deodorant.

  8. One of the best guest posts! But, I already knew her awesomeness! Thanks for the laughs!

  9. Too funny!

  10. Never let go of the funny! You always make me laugh! You had me going there for a bit. Thx for the laughs as always!

  11. You’re so funny and hilarious and it took me a few lines before I realized it was a joke. You might do serious stuff, but never let go of the funny!

  12. Haha! This was awesome! I wrote my first guest post a few weeks ago, which will be posting this week and I had severe anxiety over it! Major panic attack. You did great!!

    • I know!!! I felt responsible for whatever my guest-post is gonna do to Bernie’s blog, know what I mean? It’s like being invited to a really cool ball for the first time ever, so of course you want to look your best and make sure your host is happy about inviting you. And Bernie’s such a good friend… don’t want to bomb her blog just because Sweaty is guest-posting. Eeek.

      Thanks for the visit! Good luck on your guest-post!

  13. Okay, this is one of the most fun posts, really love the accent, I'm still laughing!

    • Glad to hear that! I wanted to do something special for Bernie. She’s such a funny gal herself, and I always enjoyed her posts because they brought so much laughter every time I read them.

  14. LOL! I love this. Sweaty, Thanks for hopping over from Time Travel Tuesdays. I can't wait to explore your blog more. You have the most fabulous blog design at Do Sweat the Small Stuff!

    • Hi Annie, thanks for dropping by! Would love to have you follow both Bernie’s blog and mine. Wanted to say the same thing about your blog’s design too… I really liked it, very vintage-y, which is how I had wanted my blog to look like before, but for some reason it turned out to be the way it is now.

      Hope to read more from you, and do visit us often!

  15. LOL loved it!

  16. too cute! I love fun posts like this. Thanks for linking up! I needed a smile today :)

  17. Bahaha! That accent is the best!

  18. katieross83 says:

    Now this is just dang clever! Sweaty, I love it! One of the best (if not THE best) guest posts I've ever read. The little story surrounding it was adorable. And the accent…oh, man, the accent. Let's just say my laughing disturbed my three cats from their afternoon naps…ha!

    • Aww, you made Sweaty blushed!!! Thank you, my friend, for dropping by Bernie’s blog and for your support!

      I wrote a much better post earlier, but accidentally deleted it (NOT). Heheh

  19. OK, I nee to know how you were able to type in a different language? I mean – semi different.

    I need to book a date with that handsome cabana boy.

    • Oh, I type semi-different languages for fun… lol!

      Ah yes… I told Bernie she needs to start getting an appointment book for Gunther the cabana boy! He’s just too irresistible, isn’t he?
      Let me see… which date do you have in mind?

  20. Very cute Sweaty!! I think that you did Bernie proud and made me giggle.

    • Gosh, I do hope so! Don’t want Bernie to ever send me Gunther the cabana boy… :)

      Thanks for checking-in to read my guest-post today. Giggle away!

  21. LOL, that had me in stitches Fraulein errr I mean Sweaty, wonderful post!

    • Dankeschön, Fraulein.

      “Don’t be fooled by the rocks accent that I got,
      I’m still, I’m still Jenny Sweaty from the block
      Used to have a little, now I have not a lot
      No matter where I go, I know where I came from (from the Bronx! Blog!)

      LOL

  22. This was HILARIOUS! I loved it!

  23. This might just be the cutest guest post ever!! Haha, I love it! Ya'll did a really great job. Can't wait to check out your blog, Sweaty!!

  24. Now I am dying to know…. does Sweaty REALLY have some bizarre accent?!!

    (and I thought this post was brilliant… totally creative!)

    • “Bizzare?” No, no, no mizz Nee-Naa, my ukkcent iz beeyouuteefull.

      I haive yette to do… vhat doo yoo call zhat zhing… ah, a vlowg! Buttz, I ahm afrreight ouv beeing too powpewlaar, knouw vhat I meene?

  25. Verrrry funny! This was a perfect way to start my morning! I clicked on your link above (above the "Note about Bernie's part) – and it didn't take me to your site. Are you trying to keep it a secret? I wanna check you out – see if you are real!

    • Glad I could make someone's day! :)

      Sorry about the link mishap. I fixed it already (I hope). Totally unintentional, believe it or not. LOL. But as I mentioned earlier, just goes on to show why I am not popular nor legendary. I couldn't even remember how to enter my own blog address properly! Yikes!

  26. Oh I love how you did this guest post, my dear Sweaty friend!!!

    One day, one day, you will guest for me. Remember I asked you 3 months ago and you modestly declined? (now that I've put this out there in public, you'll have to address it no? I'm so clever).

    • Thanks for your support Alison! And yes, I still remember ;)

      Trust me though, if I were to do it then, most likely you would've changed your blog name to "MamaDONTwantThis" by now! While I was writing this post, I thought of you, believe it or not… and I did wonder if you would still ask me today… I mean, after GDPEmpress??

  27. bachiles says:

    Great job, Sweaty!!! Just the laughs I needed this morning!! Thanks for posting today in Bernie's absence. You did her proud!

    • Phew… thank you, I needed that! Was worried sick I was going to sink Bernie's blog while she's gone lol. Thanks for showing me some love and support!

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